Cody’s Most Embarrassing Moment

A bet is a bet. For those of you who haven’t listened to Episode 110 of the Bored Shenanigans Podcast(Available via iTunes, Stitcher and this very website), a wager was made on the last episode. The details are in the episode but I, Cody Jemes lost. In doing so, had to publish an article retelling my most embarrassing moment. It is hard to imagine how such could exist.In co-hosting an online talk show for almost three years, I have revealed many shameful truths that long time listeners are too bashful to recall. I have retold many a tale of my face palming failings and moments of unfiltered stupidity. Those are mere child’s play to what I have for you here. Without further ado, Bored Shenanigans presents Cody’s Most Embarrassing Moment.

Let me take you back to a simpler time. A time before smart phones and reliable wifi signals. A time before tablets and net books. A time when one was forced to download their desired media onto a hard drive if they wanted to take it with them. A time when bulky laptops occupied college students back packs and their battery life was paltry at best. Now in these bygone days of yore, I was a full time overnight employee and a full time college student. I drifted in and out of poor decisions with great regularity, but truly on this day I would out do myself.

The campus I went to opened at seven AM around the time I was finishing my overnight shift. I would often arrive right as the doors opened and the halls were often quite vacant. On this particular day, I felt a need to release some tension before my classes and I secured a safe spot in the men’s room. After some quick reconnaissance work I realized that I was truly alone. I was a man alone with just his lust and downloaded library of erotic entertainment. What could possibly go wrong?  I set up my station, selected my finest adult video, plugged in my headphones and began to enjoy myself. As things escalated and intensified I proceeded with the normal course of action. My fatal flaw was the volume of the video overpowered the volume of my surroundings.

Whilst I was engaged with myself I didn’t hear a knock on the door of the cleaning woman. I certainly didn’t hear her ask if the bathroom was empty. More importantly than that, I was so overcome with my initial desire, I neglected to close the stall door. All these thing culminated in a quick and sorrowful turn of events. As I looked up I saw this poor woman, having just discovered me mid coitus with myself. She exclaimed “Sorry” as I violently shuffled to hide my shame. My laptop crashed to the ground, my headphones pulled out to reveal the sounds of hardcore pornography, I struggled to gather my belongings and my dignity in a losing effort while I vacated that bathroom.

After the woeful event I went and found a quiet corner to hid in my humiliation and in a futile attempt to collect myself. The cornucopia of poor judgments overflowed onto me with unrelenting ferocity. I was a moron. I tried as hard as I could to allow time to pass with some semblance of normalcy. I assumed my foolish behavior would be forgotten as there were only two witnesses.I thought things would be forgotten. Not so much.

I attended that college for two more years and would sporadically see the poor custodian who caught me in the act. I tried with all my might to avoid eye contact with her, but when her eyes found mine she would shake her head with disgust. There is no escape from chagrin so loathsome. To that woman, I am that harrowing tale of what to fear when walking into a men’s bathroom. In her eyes I am perpetually that slumped over pervert who was jacking it for all I was worth in the public restroom.

 

 

Cody Jemes is the co-host of the Bored Shenanigans podcast listen to more of his botches on iTunes and Stitcher. Read his not so self deprecating articles here. This deviant also writes poetry, see that here  or download his debauchery filled e-book hereBe sure heckle him on social media via Twitter or Facebook.

 

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 105


What What!! BS 4/20 show!! We be gettin’ our chemical on dis week. Puff Puff Podcast.
But, seriously, it is not that at all. Unless you think we are funnier while you are high. In that case just turn us on like Pink Floyd and board the Ganja train because we are reading “The Eye of Argon” by Jim Theis. The worst fantasy short story ever published, or so the legend goes. Think of it like Mystery Science Theater 3000 but for literature and not that good. Unrelated we wonder about nicknames and why we do not have ones.
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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 103: Hula Skirt

Let us know how you liked the whole us reading, interpreting, and critiquing this bad story. We will continue if you like it and if you really like it we will do others.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 93

Not only is this a Vault Shenanigans originally recorded in December of 2014 but Cody is the one the edited it. So you would think that he would be the one to do the episode description. But no it is me and I have not yet had a chance to hear it so I will make wild speculations about what happens in it.

Cody will get stuck on a sentence and it will make negative amounts of sense. We will find common ground between two apposing points. A recent headline makes us angry. The words “potted plants” will be used more than we ever imagined. We will find a striking similarity between a political leader and a glass of iced tea. A primordial evil will be called forth from outer darkness to claim the blood of the living by remnants of a once great forgotten ancient kingdom and we will have to be recalled to an orbital platform to protect mankind from that which it knows not.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 93: I dont know what this is…

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 91

This week we dance with the devil and become known as false prophets. And Cody shows off that he has one of the super powers reserved for Scientologist. Also accidental racism and some very real racism in the form of a Warner Brothers cartoon called “Coal Black and de Sebben Dwarfs” (yes you can find that online)

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 91: not episode 90

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 75

Leonard Nimoy is no longer with us so we talk about him for awhile. And then after that we have problems answering any questions we ask each other. I vaguely remember something about the sexual orientation of candy bars, a woman loses something way stranger than her marbles in a parking lot, Biblical slang, and Willy Wonka vs. Mary Poppins there can be only one.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 75: Remember…

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 74

The two least qualified humans on the planet attempt to make some sense out of the abortion topic. With the help of many fine, fine listeners we bring their opinions and our own straight to you.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans

Welcome to Episode 74: Abort!

 

 

Bored Shenanigans Podcast-Episode 70

The plague is going around the BS studios and your two humble hosts battle through the fog of sickness and staying out far too late to bring you something. Listen as we review movies that we have zero business reviewing and find new things to put on a popular deity.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 70- 

BS-to-GO 08

Bored Shenanigans is fucked up…. But not in a good way. This short announcement will tell you why.

May I Take Your Order?    

Would you like the Hot Apple Pie with that?

So that’s one To-Go Episode 07: State of the Shenanigans Address 02

Join us now at our new time

NEW RELEASES on WEDNESDAY

( or, well, it is a podcast, so, when we release is irrelevant to when you experience it. )

BS To Go 007: Half and Half Lite

http://archive.org/download/BSToGo/BS-2-GO_007.mp3%20

Holy Shit! Cody is here to bring you a monumental amount of filibustering. No Brewer here to distract from the important and vital issues at hand. Hear him rank things and tell select stories in this BS to go Lite. Down one host but we persevere and bring you this tasty, tasty content.

Get this bag of amazing goodness here…download

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 52

The boys are on duty tonight making sure you know whats what. They have a contest with a very special girl, Destiny. Tell you all about a new show that they think is going to be pimp. And talk about what and how they would hit it.

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What up Bitches!!!!

Check dis Episode 52: The Brew and C-Dog Show

Also check out one of their favorite clubbing songs.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 35

The return of two of your favorite BS segments, Rapid Fire Cast!™ and the BS Random Question Game Show©. Do you have an opinion on burial because we do. Also, do you have State Pride and what would you do if you had all the moneys?

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.     

Welcome to Episode 35: Death by Firing Squad 

Burnout Happens

There is defiantly such a thing as too much of a good thing. This usually is a phrase that is tethered around liquor or lavish money spending but it applies in many fields. Sometimes, responsibilities take your carefully drawn up schedule of time management and throws it squarely in the refuse bin. Try as one might to return back to square one, they are running without any hope of catching it. My meager little bit of advice is simple, enjoy the avalanche. You cannot stop the storm nor will you be able to reconstruct from the point before it. Take a step back, watch the pretty flames dance. Enjoy your time and don’t stress about what could have been. When the fire burns itself out, go in and reassess the situation. Maybe now is time to make a new schedule and begin the process of getting back into a routine. When you are speeding through a flurry of must dos just hang on,it always will slow down. Also remember no fret over lost production,lost time, loss of revenue or for simply not being able to go to that party. It will all come around and settle at the bottom. Hell, in the long run probably for the better.

Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.

Failed Potential Movie Sequels Part 2

Failed Potential Movie Sequels Returns

We return with a vengeance to bring you the beginning of the list. Without further hullabaloo, here is number 15 to number 1 of our Rank This! movie sequel list.

15-Addams Family Values

This sequel fell so flat. Pancake level flat. Anjelica Houston and Raul Julia reprise their roles as Morticia and Gomez, but this film’s unrelenting desire to make Uncle Fester a comedy relief character runs this film aground.

 14-Fantastic Four: Rise of The Silver Surfer

Well this was the chance for redemption after that abortion of a first film. Sweet hell, this was not it. Blundering their way through the introduction of Silver Surfer and making Galactus a big, glowy cloud really made me regret seeing this movie. 

13-Tremors Sequels(All of them)

Sweet fuck, just stop. The first film was more fun than any movie about giant worms has any right to be. It was sort of call back to the creature feature genre and had a cast of characters you rooted for. Then they just kept making terrible, ponderous films about tunneling worms of death.

12-Mission Impossible 2

The first Mission Impossible was a complex spy film that made the audience think and wonder what Ethan Hunt’s next move would be. The sequel was directed by John Woo and has explosions, motorcycle races, giant explosions, and doves gracefully flying amid gun battles. Not what I had hoped for by any stretch of the imagination. A dumb action film that should have been a tight spy thriller. 

11-2010: The Year We Made Contact

Stanley Kubrick set the bar pretty high. I don’t know that this film ever had a real chance of touching that one. But the director tries so hard to do Kubrickian things and it doesn’t resonate. This is apparent in the ending most of all, which ends simply and leaves the audience craving more, especially after how the first film looked into the mystery of space. 

10-Shrek 2

Shrek turns into a human and donkey turns into a horse. He wants to win back Fiona and wacky antics ensue…..Next!

9-Aladdin 2: Return of Jafar

220px-Returnofjafar

Maybe this is nostalgia leaking in here. I used to really like Aladdin. It was one of my favorite Disney pictures, having more adventure than most of its peers. The sequel was bad. Really bad, rehashing  a lackluster villain in a lackluster revenge plot. Oh and Robin Williams doesn’t play the Genie and it is  painfully obvious. 

8-Pirates of Caribbean: Dead Man’s Chest

The first film was so perfect. It set us all up for a franchise of  staggering escapades and did so much to make us like Jack Sparrow. Then this happened and it snowballed into a half-ass’d snooze fest that seemed unable to grasp any of the mystique of the predecessor. 

7-Batman Returns

Why do people like this movie? Other than a top-notch Catwoman, what is good here? I understand the impact and revolution in the first flick, but this was horrendous. Tim Burton created so much atmosphere and scenery, the cast couldn’t help but chew it. Without Christopher Nolan’s trilogy, people would assume that this tripe is Batman.

6-Caddyshack 2

195px-Caddyshack_ii

What is there to say? You take a legendary comedy film’s sequel and insult the audience with it. This film could easily be under a dictionary heading under terrorism.

5-Butterfly Effect 2

190px-Butterflyeffect2dvd

I don’t think the writer of this had ever seen the original. It is Butterfly Effect in name only. The first one was so good, this one was poorly made, poorly acted, and I was dumb enough to take the bait and watch it. I want my time back.

4-Matrix Revolutions

Okay, Reloaded had problems. It did, but this is where the string was pulled and the series unraveled completely apart. Constantly trying to mind fuck us for no real reason, this film plodded along and ended with a standard fare Zion standoff and an unearned ‘what if ‘ending. I wish I had taken the blue pill instead.

3-The Mummy: Tomb of the Dragon Emperor

220px-The_Mummy_-_Tomb_of_the_Dragon_Emperor (1)

Here it is, this is why I did this list. The first Mummy wasn’t Citizen Kane or anything. It had its problems, but it was fun. It was a loving tribute to The Mummy’s Tomb and Curse of the Mummy’s Hand. It was a great return to a much forgotten monster. I really enjoyed it and do so more upon repeated viewings. The Mummy Returns was not good and neither was the Scorpion King. This should have been awesome, taking the series to a new land and culture with the Terracotta Army and Chinese Emperor’s undead. This could have at least been a diet version of Indiana Jones. They screwed this up so bad and made it just another forgettable action flick and wasting so much potential.

2-Star Wars: Attack of the Clones

Star_Wars_-_Episode_II_Attack_of_the_Clones_(movie_poster)

This is the worst of the prequels and I will not be swayed otherwise. Even with boring podraces and Jar Jar, Phantom Menace was still watchable. Darth Maul was cool, the space battles were fun and the plot tried for something. In this film, Christopher Lee is wasted as a mediocre villain and we watch poorly written romantic dialogue. Apparently Boba Fett is a clone and so are all storm troopers. This cannot be the Clone Wars that Ben Kenobi talked about all those years ago on Tattoine. 

1-Boondock Saints 2: All Saints Day

220px-Boondock_2_poster

I wanted to love this movie and quote it as much as I do the first film. In the BS production house and amongst our friends this is one of our films. We were so ready for this movie to come out. It isn’t bad. It just isn’t the first film. It tries so hard to recapture that lightning, but never seems to. Rocco’s cameo was a nice touch and having Willam Defoe return as Lt. Smeker was great, but I still feel a bit empty. I loved the Focus on Il Duce, but something wasn’t quite there. This series still gets an annual play through on St. Patty’s Day, but All Saints Day just isn’t the saint the first one was.

Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 25

No Johnfingering around and soup will go uneaten this episode. Here we have the B.S. Crew speaking seriously on the topic of government and what its ultimate goal or end should be. Not sure how effectively we do this but, hey you may hate everything we say but at least we made you think.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 25: We the Podcast…

And I’m sure future debates will be better. 

BS To Go 003: Going For Broke

The wait is over America, Brent returns with Cody as they philosophize over porn, pro athletes pay checks, and a the state of our demographic. So roll up your sleeves and enjoy a hearty helping of BS to go!

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Ah Yeeeeeeeeeaaaahhhhh!!! B.S. in da hizzouse!!!!

Mixmaster DJ Righteous Bad R Reverend Dog a.k.a. Hurricane “Smooth Swagga” Brewer iz dropin’ da Mad beats up-in da ghetto, hoes. With my homie Hitman Cold Cody C Kool a.k.a. lil’ Jemes we be riddin’ on spinners thru da hood wavin’ stacks of Gs. Word to yo mom fool.

Yo man this is da real shit now. Yo favorite hiphop beatz from da last epidizzle fo downlowd fo shizzle dawg. peace.

Jack dis Jam

999 Words Shy of 1000

FUCKED is what I came up with. FUCKED. Here is a picture of the problem. Its not a bad picture my screen is just that garbled. But I still think that I will have the episode up some time Tuesday.

Fun Bored Shenanigans scavenger hunt! B.S. related items are hidden in this picture of the BS Productions Command Center; try to find at least 8 (there are more like 14 if you stretch it a bit but the lighting was bad)

MY PC is FUCKD

It Blow Up and Melted

OK, so the new episode is going to be late. I hope I can get it out on Monday at some time but not sure when. If not, we will have some sort of content up so you can get your weekly fill of Shenanigans.

What is happening is my desktop is having some sort of…. I don’t know… seizure. The problem is definitely video in nature and consists of intermittently weird white squares, in almost a grid, over 2 of my 3 monitors.This happened after I updated flash but I am not convinced that is what caused it. My fear is that it is a hardware problem and not software, perhaps overheating.

So, sorry that my inconveniences became yours. Hey, so the new episode is going to be late but while you wait why not listen to an old episode and relive some of your favorite podcast memories.

Also, don’t you like the new URL, oh lord is it sexy.

Begrudgingly

Just fucking squash your petty feuds. Don’t sit and stammer at the screen making up bullshit excuses aimed at nothing beyond self-gratification, fucking eliminate your feuds. Look, it is understood that some wrongs cannot be righted. Some grievous and dire violations of self and family cannot be corrected by a mere ‘I’m sorry’.  Outside of select few instances, do that many of us have things requiring Punisher-esque  style of revenge? Look we all disagree, we all are assholes or victims of assholes at times, nevertheless if we want to have any type of chance at moving forward, one must eliminate the issues. If you really don’t give a fuck about the person you are disagreeing with, them ignore them. However, when it comes down to family, friends, co-workers, or hell even frequently used hookers, just fix the issue. No one wants to walk waist deep in the excrement of your stupid high school drama. Nobody wants to feel that uneasy and unsettling tension that hangs so heavy when aforementioned squabblers are in the room. If not for your sake do it for the sake of everyone else.

Beyond all that, if the issues marred whatever relationship was there, at least try to be civil. Just feign a bit of courtesy and think to yourself what a goddamned cocksucker that person is. So here at Bored Shenanigans we advocate treaties amongst warring parties and nations. No more should one feel the attrition of another just because of something ridiculous and misunderstood. No longer shall we bicker as teenage girls do over who is prettier and who gets to wear purple to the prom. Just let it go.

 

Cody Jemes  is the mastermind and head complainer behind the Bored Shenanigans Articulations. Has his writing style got you all hot and bothered and you crave more? Check out his articles on the Dallas Mavericks at  Texas Fandom, watch him abuse poetry on his blog or if  you are tired of reading? Listen to the podcast he co-hosts.  

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 20

Things did not go as I planed so… I am very tired right now. Here’s your description. Cody sick. Not here; Jarrett and Ernie are. We talk… that’s what a podcast is… Ernie says some controversial shit. Jarrett is Majorious. Brewer thinks anonymous Snowmen are funny.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.     

Welcome to Episode 20: Bed Rest

…and if it sounds like we are in a bathroom at times I assure we are not.

The Horror, The Horror

We are all fucking pussies. No matter how much of a hard-ass we pretend to be. Sure we have all had moments of pure pansy and unadulterated heroism, but all in all, we are pussies. We all have our fears, those things that quiver us to our very soul. The key to all fears is to not allow it to conquer you. We know that this is not any ground breaking ideal or anything, but it holds sway. Can you ever appreciate how good a horror movie is without sitting down, screaming like a girl and enjoying the ride? Or can you ever know how fun a swim in the pond is without jumping in. Being overly cautious can hinder you from experiencing the best pieces of life. Precaution has its place, yet it is imperative to grasp life and go.  So you can be a fucking pussy and still live. You must just step past your hang ups and try to confront such fear. You must embrace what frightens you and make your enemies share your dread. Just remember to step outside yourself and talk to that pretty girl or cognitively react when true fear or danger does rear its head. Sure we are fucking pussies, but we are also capable of great things.

Cody Jemes  is the head writer of the Bored Shenanigans Articulations. Need more of him and don’t know where to look? Check out his articles on the Dallas Mavericks at  Texas Fandom, leave snarky comments on his  poetry blog or if tired of reading listen to the podcast.  

The Five Worst Kind Of People At Large Gatherings

We’ve all been there, out with our families, our wives, our hot dates, or alone. Then it happens, it sneaks up and bites you in the ass. It’s those annoying people. They are everywhere and they seem to be reproducing at an astounding rate. Here at Bored Shenanigans, we offer you, The Top Five Worst Kinds of People at Large Gatherings.

5)The Loud Repeater

We all know this chuckle head. This is the one who will see anything, then immediately and quite loudly voice his opinion of it. This one is everywhere from the movies, to the zoos, to the water parks and concerts. Easy to spot, and somewhat easy to avoid this one barely blips the radar, but be warned they are out there.

4) Fuck You, I’m Coming Through

Oh yeah, it’s him. Looking at a cool booth at the fair? Boom, he comes plowing into you. Walking down a crowded sidewalk? Boom, he comes running into you. Trying to tie your shoe? You had better not with this asshole around. Zero concern for what others are doing and oftentimes the source of disturbances and arguments, this guy is never learns.

3) Cell Phone Over Spray

Now it’s getting serious. Whatever their conversation is, it far exceeds whatever you are doing. These horrid creatures possess the features of the previous fiends, yet with no regard to anyone but whomever is on the other line. This also comes in the form of texting, where they roam aimlessly without regard to the poor soul behind them.

2) Overzealous Vendors

No, I am not buying any goddamn thing today. Half off, buy one get one free, I don’t want your cheaply made whatever the hell you are selling. No means no, stop pandering and let me by in peace. Wouldn’t I have been at your kiosk if I felt I wanted to buy your poorly made, imported crap? Leave me alone!

1) Slow Moving Way Blocker

This is the bane of my existence. This is man’s inhumanity to man. I can deal with a lot of annoying in large crowds of people, but you. Move the fuck over or get out of our way. I don’t care what the reason is, just let us walking at a speedier pace pass by. I want to get to the attraction that brought me to this event, not stare at your backside the entire time. Do not ever, ever be this person. If you are in the way, move over and let whomever pass by. No one likes waiting on this guy. No one.