Best Supporting TV Character Quotes

A television show is only as strong as the supporting cast. Those characters that waft through the scenes and occasionally steal the show with nuggets of truth. They can offer a bit of knowledge, humor or insight that the main characters cannot always offer. Rank This! Dusts itself off to present the Top Twelve Quotes By TV’s Supporting Cast

12)

I’m getting my cheating out of the way early on here. MASH and Scrubs are similar shows and both excel at comedic timing, their casts are superb and I couldn’t pick my favorite here.

scrubs

“In the end, when Mr Foster started coughing up blood the on-call surgeon was stuck in traffic, the nursing staff was busy losing the lottery, his original doctor was thanking a garbage man, and the covering physician was incapacitated. And what was Mr Forster doing? He was dying in the hands of the Interns!” -Dr. Kelso

This quote embodies the entire premise of Scrubs by highlighting the hardships medical interns endure whilst pointing out the importance of vigilance when you are in a position of authority for someone else’s life.

&

MASH

“ Hear ye, Hear ye, it’s 0700 and all is hell. Incoming wounded, folks.”-PA Announcer

The PA announcer is the unsung hero of MASH. His insightful quips show that the best way to deal with the hellacious atmosphere of the Korean War is with humor. A strategy the show’s main character’s implement quite effectively.

11)

married with children
  [singing]”Bundy the no-man / He’s as bald as he can be. With hair in his nose and rot on his toes / He’s as bald as he can be; Bundy the no-man / He’s as bald as he can be/He’s into old age, making minimum wage / He’s as bald as he can be.” -Marcy, Jefferson, Kelly and Bud

Al Bundy’s world is one of sarcasm and self deprecation. All the character’s in Married with Children are equally terrible, but underneath the well timed bards they love each other. The above quote/song is my favorite because Al’s his best friend and kids join in with his nemesis, Marcy to make fun of him. We’ve all been there.

10)

dale gribble
“Bill!! Bill, you have to be the stupidest man on the planet to think this is a good idea! Have you seen what you’re wearing?! That outfit makes you look like a sequined train wreck! Look at you!! You’re part of a twelve-headed Jackass! This chorus is the feces that is produced when shame eats too much stupidity! You people make me envy the deaf and the blind!”-Dale Gribble

Dale has some real gems throughout all thirteen seasons of King of The Hill. His crazed conspiracy theories and pieces of advice range from fanciful to deadly accurate. He is a buffoon, but when his long time friend Bill is making a very poor decision he delivers an honest tirade that helps him see his error.

9)

butters
“I’m not gonna be confused anymore just because you say I should be! My name is Butters, I’m eight years old, I’m blood type O, and I’m bicurious! And even that’s okay! Because if I’m bicurious, and I’m somehow made from God, then I think your GOD must be a little bicurious himself!” -Butters

Trey Parker and Matt Stone of South Park are absolutely brilliant. The way they blend satirical humor with current events is otherworldly. The above quote is near the conclusion Season 11, Episode 2 where through various misunderstanding his parents send him to a Christian camp to stop his homosexual urges.

8)

gunslinger
“I..Am…Sorry” -Rico

Gunslinger Girl is supremely heartbreaking and engrossing beyond all measure. For the unfamiliar, it is about a government organization that using cyberly enhanced adolescent girls as assassins. It explores the human nature through little girls, the above quote is said by Rico after she meets a boy and is forced to kill him to follow protocol and maintain anonymity. The majority of the episode is her contemplating her new friend and developing a crush on him. The conclusion makes it all the more saddening when the audience sees the things she will be without as a member of The Social Welfare Agency.

7)

pam

“You’re so hot for him I could reheat this chili in your cooch, We gonna make some cooch chili, or what?” -Pam

Pam is easily my favorite character in Archer. In an environment of spycraft and secrets she is wildly inappropriate and completely honest. The characters are all horribly self centered, but they begrudgingly look out for one another. The above quote is reference to Lana and Sterling’s on again off again romance. Everyone can see their affections, but Pam is the only one bold enough to ask about their relationship directly.

6)

teddy

“Somebody threw a snow cone at my windshield today. I thought I hit a rainbow.It was terrifying.”-Teddy

Teddy is that overly eager friend we’ve all had. Bob’s Burgers number one customer, he has a story or opinion on anything. His dimwitted attempts at wit deliver existentialism and thoughts he never intended. His good intentions are often complicate the situation in this family drama.

5)

g'kar

“I have seen what power does, and I have seen what power costs. The one is never equal to the other.” -G’Kar

The ensemble cast of this Babylon 5 make it difficult to decide between who is support players. G’Kar really steals the show as he transforms from proud warrior to humble spiritualist through the course of the series. He has many thoughtful quotes, but this one is a recurring theme for the duration of the entire show.

4)

jayne

“Ain’t logical. Cuttin’ on his own face, rapin’ and murdering – Hell, I’ll kill a man in a fair fight… or if I think he’s gonna start a fair fight, or if he bothers me, or if there’s a woman, or if I’m gettin’ paid – mostly only when I’m gettin’ paid. But these Reavers… last ten years they show up like the bogeyman from stories. Eating people alive? Where’s that get fun?” -Jayne

Jayne is the ultimate opportunist, but his assessment of the reavers in Firefly is easily my favorite. His truthful retelling of the carnage and fear they bring is especially revealing by a character who has been know to be less than truthful. When someone who is a much of a bad ass as Jayne expresses fear, you know that author of that fear is something truly reprehensible.

3)

peanut

“The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn’t the search for meaning, It’s keeping yourself busy with unimportant nonsense and eventually you’ll be dead.” -Mr. Peanutbutter

Bojack Horseman is dark comedy if ever there was dark comedy. The introspection the characters show toward themselves and others is refreshing. Though it can be nihilistic, I appreciate the candor this show exhibits. Especially when it comes from the perpetually upbeat mouth of Mr. Peanutbutter.

2)

red

“Because no matter how hard you try and how much we want it, there’s the people who serve the bread, and the people who eat the bread!” -Red

Orange Is The New Black is on fire right now. Just released season four, it deserves all the hype it gets. It shows the struggles of women in a penitentiary and studies human nature. The Russian head of the prison kitchen express her bleak outlook of the planet and her place on that planet. Harsh words for a harsh world that characterize the entire series.

1)

deadwood

“But I should say too that, in these rooms just this afternoon, such displeasure brought me near to murdering the sheriff and… raping Mrs. Ellsworth. I have learned through time, Mr. Tolliver, and as repeatedly seem to forget, that whatever temporary comfort relieving my displeasure brings me, my long-term interests suffer. My proper traffic is with the earth. In my dealings with… people, I ought solely have to do with niggers. And whites who obey me like dogs.” -George Hearst

It had to be Deadwood. Only a show as phenomenal as it could so accurately and completely make a villain despised.  In a frontier habitat of muddled morality only a megalomaniacal and menacing figure like George Hearst could stand out. It is the greatest example I’ve ever seen of enemies uniting to snuff out the greater evil, whom they cannot conquer. For my money he is the best villain in the best TV series ever written.

Cody Jemes is the co-host of the Bored Shenanigans pod cast available via iTunes and Stitcher. See more of his work here. Also enjoy his poetry blog here  or download his e-book hereBe sure to follow Bored Shenanigans on Twitter or Facebook.

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5 Songs That Matter Most

Music matters to everyone. We all have those songs that take us back to our youth or to a specific place in our lives. A majestic art that can make us feel everything so deeply and on an almost subatomic level. That being said, I bring to you not only my five favorite pieces of music, but those that mean the most to me. So ready yourselves to disagree as Rank This! Presents Cody’s 5 Songs that Matter most.

5-Fuck Authority– Pennywise
This is a nostalgia choice for me. This is off of their Land of the Free? album and was my first exposure to anything called punk rock. This was my gateway drug into the world of three cords and do it yourself ethos that inhabit a large majority of my musical choice. Before this track, it never occurred to me that you could say this kind of stuff in a song. It opened my eyes to what self expression means and that the rules are merely what you make of them. I love this song as much now as the first time I heard it. A rebellious song that puts it all on front street and challenges the listener to make a change for the better. All in all a fantastic track.

4-God’s Love-Bad Religion 
The most recent choice on the list, this is a song I found a few years ago. This is a song that struck me at a time when I was exploring my own spirituality. God’s Love does a fantastic job of satirically yet insightfully examining one’s faith, especially in the realm of Christianity. I know this will never make a top ten list for Bad Religion songs, but being a big fan of theirs, this song just does it for me.

3-Where Eagles Dare– The Misfits
Let me be clear so there is no confusion, The Misfits are the greatest band of all time. They are far and away my favorite musical choice and cannot stop listening to them and enjoying their work. That being out of the way, Where Eagles Dare is my chosen song of their catalog. This was certainly the hardest pick for me, as I deeply enjoy so much of their music. The chorus of this song makes it, balancing the right amount of fuck you attitude with power to back it up. This song is a perfect manifestation of the horror imagery The Misfits built their legacy upon. A superior song from a phenomenal band.

2-All Apologies-Nirvana
This song is so good it almost physically hurts. Nirvana was such a deeply talented band with some real gems in their albums ,but this is the one I have to choose. Another song I found as a confused loner kid it has managed to grow with me through the years. Covering a large gamete of emotion in a single track, you follow the journey and feel it with every note. This is a necessary song for all humanity, without it who knows where we would be?

1-Paint it Black-Rolling Stones
As far as I am concerned, this is the perfect song. I really have little affinity for the Rolling Stones, but there is some kind of sorcery in this piece. A masterwork of musical arts, this one just never gets old to me. Haunting and beautiful you find yourself at one with the universe when this song plays. It reverberates the frustration and fear of the universe in a few brief moments. A classic in every sense of the word, this my friends is music.

 

Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.

Five Best ‘Murica! movies

America is a vast and diverse land and nearly every angle of it has been represented in cinema. That being said, the following list I feel best reflects the multifaceted sides of the USA. So BS proudly brings you our Rank This! of the Five Best ‘Murica! movies.

5- American Graffiti.

american graffiti

This film embodies all the feelings of youth transcending into adulthood. Taking place in the 60s it follows a group of high school friends as they cruise around their final night before graduation. It reminds us all of those deeply troubling questions of what is life’s next step and where do we go from here. There is most certainly a character in this film you will identify with and it highlights a time in American history that is gone by the wayside.

4- Sling Blade

slingblade

Fuck off if you disagree with me here. Sure it is about mental patient who is released and eventually kills someone. This flick shows some of the obvious flaws in the penal system and the care of mental patients. Whilst that is certainly the low hanging fruit of this choice, it has some moments highlighting redemption and acceptance. It redefines who is the villain and forces the viewer to understand the plight of those often misunderstood and discounted. This is a call to action, showing us how we often act and forcing us to rethink those actions.

3- Lawless

lawless

The eighteenth amendment was a poorly thought out and even more poorly received piece of our history. Prohibition caused much more crime than it ever prevented. This movie follows a tight knit family of moonshiners during the 20s. A period piece that shows the hard times of the era and the corruption between the police and organized crime. This film shows the importance and strength of a community and the loyalty of family.A fantastic movie that shows what a man will do to survive and how that man must evolve once the situation changes around him. This is a work that makes you want to take a stand for your convictions, a neglected notion in our modern era.

2-Ed Wood

ed wood

A biopic film about a man with a dream who couldn’t be denied. The master of trash, Ed Wood was a man with a legacy of films that will endure forever. With cinematic masterworks like Plan 9 from Outer Space, Bride of the Monster, and Orgy of the Dead how can he be denied? With Johnny Depp in one of his best acting roles ever, he shows what sheer will to get things done can accomplish. The American Dream exists in the purist form here. Love him or hate him, you will most certainly remember the path he laid. Ed Wood grasped his piece of history and shows that success is possible with unwavering determination.

1- The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

goodbadugly

If all that is ever left of the human race is this master work, I am happy with that. One of the most perfectly executed cinematic experiences ever, and in spite of it being filmed in Italy this movie says America all over it. Taking place in the midst of the south during the Civil War, this film follows multiple heroes seeking their fortune in west. Whether it was through dishonest or honest means it shows that your destiny is truly in your hands and the good American spirit will conquer bad and ugly. We are a people who wrestled the great frontier and claimed it as our own. This movie is out there to remind us to go seek our adventure in the wilds of life and prosper from the experience.

 

 

 

Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.

Three RTS Games to Play Before You Die

Here at the BS production house, we like us some war games. Really like us some war games. Many a precious hour have been wasted fighting one another on the digital battlefield. While we do enjoy several fine first person shooters, our heart will forever belong to those mystical real time strategy games.  So after much debate and without any remorse, we present to our readers…

 

3 RTS Games to Play Before You Die

3) Starcraft

starcraft

The original did it best, plain and simple. There is a reason this is still played in tournaments around the world. To the uninitiated, Starcraft’s campaign throws them into a story involving three warring factions. All three campaign’s allow the player to try each faction and find the one that appeals to them, whether it be the Imperialistic Terran,  the Noble Protoss or the Evil Zerg regime. Each has its own weakness’ and strengths and offers a well balanced system. This is a interstellar delight that should appeal to solo players for it’s story and multiplayers for it’s competitive play. A fantastic game and a great example of real time strategy done right.

2) Command and Conquer: Generals-Zero Hour

zerohour

The expansion to C&C: Generals, this game shined in the shadow of it’s predecessor. Keeping with RTS tradition, the player can chose between the technologically superior USA, the mighty multitudes of China or the ruthless and terroristic GLA. Each campaign does a good job of making you sympathize with a faction and see each one’s strength. The general’s challenge is a personal favorite, forcing you to take on a nine specialists of each faction.  This is easily the game we have logged the most hours on. The ability to have 8 players at once, makes this a LAN party favorite.

1) Conquest: Frontier Wars

frontierwars

Here she is, the creme de le creme of real time strategy games. This game has the most insane AI, the hardest difficulty and the most variety amongst it’s factions. Again with the 3 factions, other than what it said in game via the Terran campaign, little is really fleshed out. The Mantis are a insectoid race devouring worlds in their hive like structure and the Celareons are beings of pure energy, with far superior technology and defensive structures. Learning each style of play through the multiplayer option against computer controlled enemies forces you to learn quickly. A steep difficulty level makes this one of the most fun examples of co-op play available and with just the right amount of lore, allows the players to use their imagination. Never a commercial success, this game’s sequel was cancelled, but was supposed to introduce a fourth race, the lizard like Vyrium who would function much differently than the other three. This game is beyond well done and any fan of strategy games should certainly enjoy time spent with it.

Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.

Failed Potential Movie Sequels Part 1

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Bored Shenanigans’ Rank This! This time we list out those movies that were really disappointing even though they were filled with so much potential. These films still hurt us a little on the inside years later. Enjoy part one, and stay tuned for part two next week.

30-Indiana Jones Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

indy2

It has been well documented on what a boner killer this film is. It rendered all fans of Indy’s return quite flaccid. Some head scratching scenes involving gophers, monkeys, refrigerators and poorly conceived Soviets and aliens all stacked up for a forgettable finish to a proud franchise.

29-Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows

blairwitch2

Remember all those shaky camera shots and intense point of view moments from the first film? Remember how it felt so personal and realistic in comparison to everything else that was out at the time? So in the sequel what if the went as far away from that low-budget edgy style and made it into a generic horror film? You have number 29 on our list.

28-Jurassic Park 3

jurassic3

Fail. How do you fuck up a dinosaur movie? Just put them somewhere and focus on the interesting dinosaurs not the lame ass human drama. This was their chance to redeem themselves after that abysmal Lost World flick. Fail.

27-Lost Boys: The Tribe

This movie sure missed the mark. Everyone likes The Lost Boys and no one liked its sequel. It lacked the fun or adventure of its predecessor and left us feeling empty will with two dried up Coreys.

26-Ghost Busters 2

Okay, Viggo was a pretty kick ass part of this movie. He was a much more interesting villain than Gozer. Then you factor in little Oscar, mood slime, and just a ho hum experience. They had so much to work with and all we got was, meh.

25-Grease 2

Let’s flip the male and female characters changing themselves and swap cars for motorcycles. Other than a funny song about reproduction, this film wasted what could have been another iconic movie.

24-Resident Evil sequels/Silent Hill sequels

I am cheating here a little bit, but this is my list. The original film of these perspective franchises were pretty awesome. Both took their particular worlds and made them frightening. Then the sequels started. They both have steadily declined to the point of almost unbearable.

23-X Men 3: The Last Stand

Enough with the goddamn Wolverine. We get it, he is a bad-ass with claws. This should have been the movie that made the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants shine and allowed the audience to sympathize with their plight. Instead we get to plod through a poorly drawn out Phoenix story.

22-Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

terminator 3

This could have been such a insanely perfect string of sequels. The first one was incredible, the second one surpassed it, and the third tried its damnedest to recreate the T-1000 and give him tits. John Conner sucks in this movie. At least Salvation wasn’t too bad.

21-Halloween 2 (Rob Zombie)

Rob Zombie has proven to be one of the more interesting horror directors. His revision of the first Halloween movie was really enjoyable and demonstrated the range of his cast. It’s sequel fell flat in comparison. It was most certainly a disappointment.

20-The Never Ending Story Part 2

This story should have ended. What the hell was going on in this movie? This had such a convoluted plot with even more characters to develop. I am too confused by this movie to elaborate on it any more.

19- D2: Mighty Ducks

d2

So after a group of rambunctious and rowdy kids learn about teamwork and their coach learns about personal responsibility, in the off season they forget to practice. So what do we do? Learn it all again. Rehashed and lame ass hell, this sequel relied on the tried and true team USA patriotism shtick to manipulate the audience into feeling warm and fuzzy.

18-Back to the Future 2 & 3

Get your hate mail ready folks. I think this film fell pretty far from its predecessor. Two wasn’t terrible and three was almost unwatchable, but with a premise like time travel, I couldn’t develop a taste for the film’s tone. Going for a more campy than thoughtful method, these two seemed to waste Christopher Lloyd as a fantastic mad scientist.

17-Return to House of Haunted Hill

The bar wasn’t set particularly high by the remake of the original, but they certainly had their heart in the right place. Using the name ‘Price’ to honor Vincent Price is a nice touch, but the strange choice to use an idol as the motivation for the things that happened, focusing on gangsters and side characters made the audience scratch their head.

16-S. Darko: A Donnie Darko Tale

darko

In a way, this movie never needed a sequel. In another way, there was so much lore to the world, it almost begged for one.  This film added absolutely nothing and wasted everyone’s time. With such an over abundance of material to work with and such an intensely loyal fan base, how could you so frivolously fuck this up? Pure and utter wastrel.

Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.