Best Supporting TV Character Quotes

A television show is only as strong as the supporting cast. Those characters that waft through the scenes and occasionally steal the show with nuggets of truth. They can offer a bit of knowledge, humor or insight that the main characters cannot always offer. Rank This! Dusts itself off to present the Top Twelve Quotes By TV’s Supporting Cast

12)

I’m getting my cheating out of the way early on here. MASH and Scrubs are similar shows and both excel at comedic timing, their casts are superb and I couldn’t pick my favorite here.

scrubs

“In the end, when Mr Foster started coughing up blood the on-call surgeon was stuck in traffic, the nursing staff was busy losing the lottery, his original doctor was thanking a garbage man, and the covering physician was incapacitated. And what was Mr Forster doing? He was dying in the hands of the Interns!” -Dr. Kelso

This quote embodies the entire premise of Scrubs by highlighting the hardships medical interns endure whilst pointing out the importance of vigilance when you are in a position of authority for someone else’s life.

&

MASH

“ Hear ye, Hear ye, it’s 0700 and all is hell. Incoming wounded, folks.”-PA Announcer

The PA announcer is the unsung hero of MASH. His insightful quips show that the best way to deal with the hellacious atmosphere of the Korean War is with humor. A strategy the show’s main character’s implement quite effectively.

11)

married with children
  [singing]”Bundy the no-man / He’s as bald as he can be. With hair in his nose and rot on his toes / He’s as bald as he can be; Bundy the no-man / He’s as bald as he can be/He’s into old age, making minimum wage / He’s as bald as he can be.” -Marcy, Jefferson, Kelly and Bud

Al Bundy’s world is one of sarcasm and self deprecation. All the character’s in Married with Children are equally terrible, but underneath the well timed bards they love each other. The above quote/song is my favorite because Al’s his best friend and kids join in with his nemesis, Marcy to make fun of him. We’ve all been there.

10)

dale gribble
“Bill!! Bill, you have to be the stupidest man on the planet to think this is a good idea! Have you seen what you’re wearing?! That outfit makes you look like a sequined train wreck! Look at you!! You’re part of a twelve-headed Jackass! This chorus is the feces that is produced when shame eats too much stupidity! You people make me envy the deaf and the blind!”-Dale Gribble

Dale has some real gems throughout all thirteen seasons of King of The Hill. His crazed conspiracy theories and pieces of advice range from fanciful to deadly accurate. He is a buffoon, but when his long time friend Bill is making a very poor decision he delivers an honest tirade that helps him see his error.

9)

butters
“I’m not gonna be confused anymore just because you say I should be! My name is Butters, I’m eight years old, I’m blood type O, and I’m bicurious! And even that’s okay! Because if I’m bicurious, and I’m somehow made from God, then I think your GOD must be a little bicurious himself!” -Butters

Trey Parker and Matt Stone of South Park are absolutely brilliant. The way they blend satirical humor with current events is otherworldly. The above quote is near the conclusion Season 11, Episode 2 where through various misunderstanding his parents send him to a Christian camp to stop his homosexual urges.

8)

gunslinger
“I..Am…Sorry” -Rico

Gunslinger Girl is supremely heartbreaking and engrossing beyond all measure. For the unfamiliar, it is about a government organization that using cyberly enhanced adolescent girls as assassins. It explores the human nature through little girls, the above quote is said by Rico after she meets a boy and is forced to kill him to follow protocol and maintain anonymity. The majority of the episode is her contemplating her new friend and developing a crush on him. The conclusion makes it all the more saddening when the audience sees the things she will be without as a member of The Social Welfare Agency.

7)

pam

“You’re so hot for him I could reheat this chili in your cooch, We gonna make some cooch chili, or what?” -Pam

Pam is easily my favorite character in Archer. In an environment of spycraft and secrets she is wildly inappropriate and completely honest. The characters are all horribly self centered, but they begrudgingly look out for one another. The above quote is reference to Lana and Sterling’s on again off again romance. Everyone can see their affections, but Pam is the only one bold enough to ask about their relationship directly.

6)

teddy

“Somebody threw a snow cone at my windshield today. I thought I hit a rainbow.It was terrifying.”-Teddy

Teddy is that overly eager friend we’ve all had. Bob’s Burgers number one customer, he has a story or opinion on anything. His dimwitted attempts at wit deliver existentialism and thoughts he never intended. His good intentions are often complicate the situation in this family drama.

5)

g'kar

“I have seen what power does, and I have seen what power costs. The one is never equal to the other.” -G’Kar

The ensemble cast of this Babylon 5 make it difficult to decide between who is support players. G’Kar really steals the show as he transforms from proud warrior to humble spiritualist through the course of the series. He has many thoughtful quotes, but this one is a recurring theme for the duration of the entire show.

4)

jayne

“Ain’t logical. Cuttin’ on his own face, rapin’ and murdering – Hell, I’ll kill a man in a fair fight… or if I think he’s gonna start a fair fight, or if he bothers me, or if there’s a woman, or if I’m gettin’ paid – mostly only when I’m gettin’ paid. But these Reavers… last ten years they show up like the bogeyman from stories. Eating people alive? Where’s that get fun?” -Jayne

Jayne is the ultimate opportunist, but his assessment of the reavers in Firefly is easily my favorite. His truthful retelling of the carnage and fear they bring is especially revealing by a character who has been know to be less than truthful. When someone who is a much of a bad ass as Jayne expresses fear, you know that author of that fear is something truly reprehensible.

3)

peanut

“The universe is a cruel, uncaring void. The key to happiness isn’t the search for meaning, It’s keeping yourself busy with unimportant nonsense and eventually you’ll be dead.” -Mr. Peanutbutter

Bojack Horseman is dark comedy if ever there was dark comedy. The introspection the characters show toward themselves and others is refreshing. Though it can be nihilistic, I appreciate the candor this show exhibits. Especially when it comes from the perpetually upbeat mouth of Mr. Peanutbutter.

2)

red

“Because no matter how hard you try and how much we want it, there’s the people who serve the bread, and the people who eat the bread!” -Red

Orange Is The New Black is on fire right now. Just released season four, it deserves all the hype it gets. It shows the struggles of women in a penitentiary and studies human nature. The Russian head of the prison kitchen express her bleak outlook of the planet and her place on that planet. Harsh words for a harsh world that characterize the entire series.

1)

deadwood

“But I should say too that, in these rooms just this afternoon, such displeasure brought me near to murdering the sheriff and… raping Mrs. Ellsworth. I have learned through time, Mr. Tolliver, and as repeatedly seem to forget, that whatever temporary comfort relieving my displeasure brings me, my long-term interests suffer. My proper traffic is with the earth. In my dealings with… people, I ought solely have to do with niggers. And whites who obey me like dogs.” -George Hearst

It had to be Deadwood. Only a show as phenomenal as it could so accurately and completely make a villain despised.  In a frontier habitat of muddled morality only a megalomaniacal and menacing figure like George Hearst could stand out. It is the greatest example I’ve ever seen of enemies uniting to snuff out the greater evil, whom they cannot conquer. For my money he is the best villain in the best TV series ever written.

Cody Jemes is the co-host of the Bored Shenanigans pod cast available via iTunes and Stitcher. See more of his work here. Also enjoy his poetry blog here  or download his e-book hereBe sure to follow Bored Shenanigans on Twitter or Facebook.

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Carl Sagan Day!! w00t!

Happy Carl Sagan Day Everyone!!!

In honor of this most important holiday here are some good words from the good man’s good books.

Also here is a link to last year’s post for Carl Sagan day where he raps.

 

“Cosmos is a Greek word for the order of the universe. It is, in a way, the opposite of
Chaos. It implies the deep interconnectedness of all things. It conveys awe for the intricate and
subtle way in which the universe is put together.”

“One of the saddest lessons of history is this: If we’ve been bamboozled long enough, we tend to reject any evidence of the bamboozle. We’re no longer interested in finding out the truth. The bamboozle has captured us. It is simply too painful to acknowledge — even to ourselves — that we’ve been so credulous. (So the old bamboozles tend to persist as the new bamboozles rise.)”

“You are worth about 3 dollars worth in chemicals.”

“Every star may be a sun to someone.”

“intellectual capacity is no guarantee against being dead wrong.”

“Knowing a great deal is not the same as being smart; intelligence is not information alone but also judgement, the manner in which information is coordinated and used.”

“We wish to pursue the truth no matter where it leads. But to find the truth, we need imagination and skepticism both. We will not be afraid to speculate, but we will be careful to distinguish speculation from fact. The cosmos is full beyond measure of elegant truths; of exquisite interrelationships; of the awesome machinery of nature.

“Since, in the long run, every planetary society will be endangered by impacts from space, every surviving civilization is obliged to become spacefaring — not because of exploratory or romantic zeal, but for the most practical reason imaginable: staying alive.”

“This vast number of worlds, the enormous scale of the universe… has not been taken into account, even superficially, in virtually no religion, and especially in no Western religions.”

“In some respects, science has far surpassed religion in delivering awe. How is it that hardly any major religion has looked at science and concluded, “This is better than we thought! The Universe is much bigger than our prophets said, grander, more subtle, more elegant. God must be even greater than we dreamed”? Instead they say, “No, no, no! My god is a little god, and I want him to stay that way.”

“In science it often happens that scientists say, ‘You know that’s a really good argument; my position is mistaken,’ and then they would actually change their minds and you never hear that old view from them again. They really do it. It doesn’t happen as often as it should, because scientists are human and change is sometimes painful. But it happens every day. I cannot recall the last time someting like that happened in politics or religion.

“The Cosmos is all that is or ever was or ever will be. Our feeblest contemplations of the Cosmos stir us—there is a tingling in the spine, a catch in the voice, a faint sensation, as if a distant memory, of falling from a height. We know we are approaching the greatest of mysteries.

“Our loyalties are to the species and the planet. We speak for Earth. Our obligation to survive and flourish is owed not just to ourselves, but also to that Cosmos, ancient and vast, from which we spring.”

“In every country, we should be teaching our children the scientific method and the reasons for a Bill of Rights. With it comes a certain decency, humility and community spirit. In the demon-haunted world that we inhabit by virtue of being human, this may be all that stands between us and the enveloping darkness.”

There are many hypotheses in science that are wrong. That’s perfectly alright; it’s the aperture to finding out what’s right. Science is a self-correcting process. To be accepted, new ideas must survive the most rigorous standards of evidence and scrutiny…The suppression of uncomfortable ideas may be common in religion or in politics, but it is not the path to knowledge and there is no place for it in the endeavor of science. We do not know beforehand where fundamental insights will arise from about our mysterious and lovely solar system, and the history of our study of the solar system shows clearly that accepted and conventional ideas are often wrong and that fundamental insights can arise from the most unexpected sources.”

“Those worlds in space are as countless as all the grains of sand on all the beaches of the earth. Each of those worlds is as real as ours and every one of them is a succession of incidents, events, occurrences which influence its future. Countless worlds, numberless moments, an immensity of space and time. And our small planet at this moment, here we face a critical branch point in history, what we do with our world, right now, will propagate down through the centuries and powerfully affect the destiny of our descendants, it is well within our power to destroy our civilization and perhaps our species as well. If we capitulate to superstition or greed or stupidity we could plunge our world into a time of darkness deeper than the time between the collapse of classical civilization and the Italian Renaissance. But we are also capable of using our compassion and our intelligence, our technology and our wealth to make an abundant and meaningful life for every inhabitant of this planet.”

Five Best ‘Murica! movies

America is a vast and diverse land and nearly every angle of it has been represented in cinema. That being said, the following list I feel best reflects the multifaceted sides of the USA. So BS proudly brings you our Rank This! of the Five Best ‘Murica! movies.

5- American Graffiti.

american graffiti

This film embodies all the feelings of youth transcending into adulthood. Taking place in the 60s it follows a group of high school friends as they cruise around their final night before graduation. It reminds us all of those deeply troubling questions of what is life’s next step and where do we go from here. There is most certainly a character in this film you will identify with and it highlights a time in American history that is gone by the wayside.

4- Sling Blade

slingblade

Fuck off if you disagree with me here. Sure it is about mental patient who is released and eventually kills someone. This flick shows some of the obvious flaws in the penal system and the care of mental patients. Whilst that is certainly the low hanging fruit of this choice, it has some moments highlighting redemption and acceptance. It redefines who is the villain and forces the viewer to understand the plight of those often misunderstood and discounted. This is a call to action, showing us how we often act and forcing us to rethink those actions.

3- Lawless

lawless

The eighteenth amendment was a poorly thought out and even more poorly received piece of our history. Prohibition caused much more crime than it ever prevented. This movie follows a tight knit family of moonshiners during the 20s. A period piece that shows the hard times of the era and the corruption between the police and organized crime. This film shows the importance and strength of a community and the loyalty of family.A fantastic movie that shows what a man will do to survive and how that man must evolve once the situation changes around him. This is a work that makes you want to take a stand for your convictions, a neglected notion in our modern era.

2-Ed Wood

ed wood

A biopic film about a man with a dream who couldn’t be denied. The master of trash, Ed Wood was a man with a legacy of films that will endure forever. With cinematic masterworks like Plan 9 from Outer Space, Bride of the Monster, and Orgy of the Dead how can he be denied? With Johnny Depp in one of his best acting roles ever, he shows what sheer will to get things done can accomplish. The American Dream exists in the purist form here. Love him or hate him, you will most certainly remember the path he laid. Ed Wood grasped his piece of history and shows that success is possible with unwavering determination.

1- The Good, The Bad and The Ugly

goodbadugly

If all that is ever left of the human race is this master work, I am happy with that. One of the most perfectly executed cinematic experiences ever, and in spite of it being filmed in Italy this movie says America all over it. Taking place in the midst of the south during the Civil War, this film follows multiple heroes seeking their fortune in west. Whether it was through dishonest or honest means it shows that your destiny is truly in your hands and the good American spirit will conquer bad and ugly. We are a people who wrestled the great frontier and claimed it as our own. This movie is out there to remind us to go seek our adventure in the wilds of life and prosper from the experience.

 

 

 

Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.

Failed Potential Movie Sequels Part 1

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Bored Shenanigans’ Rank This! This time we list out those movies that were really disappointing even though they were filled with so much potential. These films still hurt us a little on the inside years later. Enjoy part one, and stay tuned for part two next week.

30-Indiana Jones Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

indy2

It has been well documented on what a boner killer this film is. It rendered all fans of Indy’s return quite flaccid. Some head scratching scenes involving gophers, monkeys, refrigerators and poorly conceived Soviets and aliens all stacked up for a forgettable finish to a proud franchise.

29-Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows

blairwitch2

Remember all those shaky camera shots and intense point of view moments from the first film? Remember how it felt so personal and realistic in comparison to everything else that was out at the time? So in the sequel what if the went as far away from that low-budget edgy style and made it into a generic horror film? You have number 29 on our list.

28-Jurassic Park 3

jurassic3

Fail. How do you fuck up a dinosaur movie? Just put them somewhere and focus on the interesting dinosaurs not the lame ass human drama. This was their chance to redeem themselves after that abysmal Lost World flick. Fail.

27-Lost Boys: The Tribe

This movie sure missed the mark. Everyone likes The Lost Boys and no one liked its sequel. It lacked the fun or adventure of its predecessor and left us feeling empty will with two dried up Coreys.

26-Ghost Busters 2

Okay, Viggo was a pretty kick ass part of this movie. He was a much more interesting villain than Gozer. Then you factor in little Oscar, mood slime, and just a ho hum experience. They had so much to work with and all we got was, meh.

25-Grease 2

Let’s flip the male and female characters changing themselves and swap cars for motorcycles. Other than a funny song about reproduction, this film wasted what could have been another iconic movie.

24-Resident Evil sequels/Silent Hill sequels

I am cheating here a little bit, but this is my list. The original film of these perspective franchises were pretty awesome. Both took their particular worlds and made them frightening. Then the sequels started. They both have steadily declined to the point of almost unbearable.

23-X Men 3: The Last Stand

Enough with the goddamn Wolverine. We get it, he is a bad-ass with claws. This should have been the movie that made the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants shine and allowed the audience to sympathize with their plight. Instead we get to plod through a poorly drawn out Phoenix story.

22-Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

terminator 3

This could have been such a insanely perfect string of sequels. The first one was incredible, the second one surpassed it, and the third tried its damnedest to recreate the T-1000 and give him tits. John Conner sucks in this movie. At least Salvation wasn’t too bad.

21-Halloween 2 (Rob Zombie)

Rob Zombie has proven to be one of the more interesting horror directors. His revision of the first Halloween movie was really enjoyable and demonstrated the range of his cast. It’s sequel fell flat in comparison. It was most certainly a disappointment.

20-The Never Ending Story Part 2

This story should have ended. What the hell was going on in this movie? This had such a convoluted plot with even more characters to develop. I am too confused by this movie to elaborate on it any more.

19- D2: Mighty Ducks

d2

So after a group of rambunctious and rowdy kids learn about teamwork and their coach learns about personal responsibility, in the off season they forget to practice. So what do we do? Learn it all again. Rehashed and lame ass hell, this sequel relied on the tried and true team USA patriotism shtick to manipulate the audience into feeling warm and fuzzy.

18-Back to the Future 2 & 3

Get your hate mail ready folks. I think this film fell pretty far from its predecessor. Two wasn’t terrible and three was almost unwatchable, but with a premise like time travel, I couldn’t develop a taste for the film’s tone. Going for a more campy than thoughtful method, these two seemed to waste Christopher Lloyd as a fantastic mad scientist.

17-Return to House of Haunted Hill

The bar wasn’t set particularly high by the remake of the original, but they certainly had their heart in the right place. Using the name ‘Price’ to honor Vincent Price is a nice touch, but the strange choice to use an idol as the motivation for the things that happened, focusing on gangsters and side characters made the audience scratch their head.

16-S. Darko: A Donnie Darko Tale

darko

In a way, this movie never needed a sequel. In another way, there was so much lore to the world, it almost begged for one.  This film added absolutely nothing and wasted everyone’s time. With such an over abundance of material to work with and such an intensely loyal fan base, how could you so frivolously fuck this up? Pure and utter wastrel.

Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.

Seven Quotes to Live By

This world has been filled beyond the brim with more intelligent people than myself. If it magically became necessary to use other’s words to construct a primer to live by, these are the ones that I would chose. The following quotes are meant to distill things down to the core fundamentals necessary to thrive. So, Rank This Proudly Presents

7

Quotes to Live By

7) “The truth is that all men having power ought to be mistrusted.” -James Madison

This is imperative. One must think for themselves and do whatever they can to educate themselves and see past what construct of governing sovereignty is presented.  Following without question is dangerous, so always ask some questions.

6) “Because in the end, you won’t remember the time you spent working in the office or mowing your lawn. Climb that goddamn mountain.” – Jack Kerouac

Life is filled with too much wonder and mystery to not experience it. Grasping life and experiencing them is why we are all here. Seeing new places, tasting new foods, meeting new people and emerging yourself into other cultures can offer a revived perspective, but can also foster a lifelong memory. It it too short to not seize the moments.

5) “A friend is someone who gives you total freedom to be yourself.” –Jim Morrison

Friendship is a wonderful occurrence. Being able to drop your guard in front of another person and just enjoy each other’s company is a rarity. When you can connect with someone on a level of enjoying a common interest or doing absolutely nothing, don’t let that slip away.

4) “I like to listen. I have learned a great deal from listening carefully. Most people never listen.” – Ernest Hemingway

Shut the fuck up and listen to what others are saying. Other’s opinions, thoughts, beliefs, or fears can be a phenomenal learning experience. Just don’t talk to hear your own voice, listen to what else is around you and pay attention. It is often worth it.

3) “Hope Is The Last Thing To Die” -Japanese proverb

Hope only gives up when you do. As long as you hold out that things will be okay after something difficult arises, they will. Giving up on hope is your choice, when hope is let go things truly are lost. Don’t lose heart. Hang on, it will all work out in the finish.

2) “Happiness is having a large, loving, caring, close-knit family in another city.” -George Burns

Family is the tie that binds us. Whether it be your spouse, your child or your mother, that thread is almost indefinably important. That bond that draws family together instantly in the face of crisis, that bond that is shared among siblings, those memorable vacations and those famous recipes.  This is the core nucleus of who we are that defines us as a person. No other group can drive us as crazy or make us feel as important.

1) “Life grants nothing to us mortals without hard work.”            –Horace

This is the one, this is what it all comes down to. Work hard and you will get somewhere. Work hard and you will achieve whatever your goal is. Work can go along way that talent does not. Step up, stand up, fight and take that dream by the horns. Lackadaisical attitudes do not garner success, diligent work is the key to success. 

 

 

 

 Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.