Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 56

Accidentally nude. Kind of like if you walking on somebody in the bathroom or when you are trying to return a coffee cup or when you walk in on them installing a new lava-lamp in their government mandated soul altar…

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.    

Welcome to Episode 56: And Now a Word from our Sponsors

Also in this episode, I am he as you are he as you are me and we are all together. See Cody run like pigs to a gun Controversy. See how they fly. I’m crying.

Brewers Sitting on a cornflake. Waiting for the van to come. Corporation T-shirt, stupid bloody Tuesday Man you’ve been a naughty boy You let your editing run long. I’m crying.

Mr. Dallas Mavericks sitting. Pretty little Players in a row. See how they look in their new shirts. See how they Dribble. I’m crying

Sitting in an English theater Waiting for the Tusk. If the Tusks not fun you get a laugh From us giving soda to Bane.

Stamps.com Climbing up the Audible tower. Carbonite penguin singing Dollar Shave Club. Man, you should have seen 1n1 kicking Legal Zoom.

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Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 51

The mighty door to Vault Shenanigans has swung open and let out another locked up episode. This has all your favorite from rest-full episodes guests telling the story of Cody for your Prom Date. We also indulge in the 2 minutes hate, game on, dance safely, and this episode is not brought to you by stamps.com but it could be.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.    

Welcome to Episode 51: SHENANIGEDDON!!!

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 38

Get your graham cracker ready to make s’mores by the heat of hell fire.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 38: Return to Satan’s Lap

We have an update on the Bored Shenanigans most covered news stories, the Satan statue in Kansas. Also, Brewer (Emmanuel Westinghouse) gets a new hat; Cody will be starting a new business; behind the scenes of B.S.; and we ask you out there for some help in an upcoming episode.

Failed Potential Movie Sequels Part 1

Welcome ladies and gentlemen to Bored Shenanigans’ Rank This! This time we list out those movies that were really disappointing even though they were filled with so much potential. These films still hurt us a little on the inside years later. Enjoy part one, and stay tuned for part two next week.

30-Indiana Jones Kingdom of the Crystal Skull

indy2

It has been well documented on what a boner killer this film is. It rendered all fans of Indy’s return quite flaccid. Some head scratching scenes involving gophers, monkeys, refrigerators and poorly conceived Soviets and aliens all stacked up for a forgettable finish to a proud franchise.

29-Blair Witch 2: Book of Shadows

blairwitch2

Remember all those shaky camera shots and intense point of view moments from the first film? Remember how it felt so personal and realistic in comparison to everything else that was out at the time? So in the sequel what if the went as far away from that low-budget edgy style and made it into a generic horror film? You have number 29 on our list.

28-Jurassic Park 3

jurassic3

Fail. How do you fuck up a dinosaur movie? Just put them somewhere and focus on the interesting dinosaurs not the lame ass human drama. This was their chance to redeem themselves after that abysmal Lost World flick. Fail.

27-Lost Boys: The Tribe

This movie sure missed the mark. Everyone likes The Lost Boys and no one liked its sequel. It lacked the fun or adventure of its predecessor and left us feeling empty will with two dried up Coreys.

26-Ghost Busters 2

Okay, Viggo was a pretty kick ass part of this movie. He was a much more interesting villain than Gozer. Then you factor in little Oscar, mood slime, and just a ho hum experience. They had so much to work with and all we got was, meh.

25-Grease 2

Let’s flip the male and female characters changing themselves and swap cars for motorcycles. Other than a funny song about reproduction, this film wasted what could have been another iconic movie.

24-Resident Evil sequels/Silent Hill sequels

I am cheating here a little bit, but this is my list. The original film of these perspective franchises were pretty awesome. Both took their particular worlds and made them frightening. Then the sequels started. They both have steadily declined to the point of almost unbearable.

23-X Men 3: The Last Stand

Enough with the goddamn Wolverine. We get it, he is a bad-ass with claws. This should have been the movie that made the Brotherhood of Evil Mutants shine and allowed the audience to sympathize with their plight. Instead we get to plod through a poorly drawn out Phoenix story.

22-Terminator 3: Rise of the Machines

terminator 3

This could have been such a insanely perfect string of sequels. The first one was incredible, the second one surpassed it, and the third tried its damnedest to recreate the T-1000 and give him tits. John Conner sucks in this movie. At least Salvation wasn’t too bad.

21-Halloween 2 (Rob Zombie)

Rob Zombie has proven to be one of the more interesting horror directors. His revision of the first Halloween movie was really enjoyable and demonstrated the range of his cast. It’s sequel fell flat in comparison. It was most certainly a disappointment.

20-The Never Ending Story Part 2

This story should have ended. What the hell was going on in this movie? This had such a convoluted plot with even more characters to develop. I am too confused by this movie to elaborate on it any more.

19- D2: Mighty Ducks

d2

So after a group of rambunctious and rowdy kids learn about teamwork and their coach learns about personal responsibility, in the off season they forget to practice. So what do we do? Learn it all again. Rehashed and lame ass hell, this sequel relied on the tried and true team USA patriotism shtick to manipulate the audience into feeling warm and fuzzy.

18-Back to the Future 2 & 3

Get your hate mail ready folks. I think this film fell pretty far from its predecessor. Two wasn’t terrible and three was almost unwatchable, but with a premise like time travel, I couldn’t develop a taste for the film’s tone. Going for a more campy than thoughtful method, these two seemed to waste Christopher Lloyd as a fantastic mad scientist.

17-Return to House of Haunted Hill

The bar wasn’t set particularly high by the remake of the original, but they certainly had their heart in the right place. Using the name ‘Price’ to honor Vincent Price is a nice touch, but the strange choice to use an idol as the motivation for the things that happened, focusing on gangsters and side characters made the audience scratch their head.

16-S. Darko: A Donnie Darko Tale

darko

In a way, this movie never needed a sequel. In another way, there was so much lore to the world, it almost begged for one.  This film added absolutely nothing and wasted everyone’s time. With such an over abundance of material to work with and such an intensely loyal fan base, how could you so frivolously fuck this up? Pure and utter wastrel.

Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.

Time’s Wastedland

Seamlessly and successfully time tends to scamper away from you some days. In some miraculous manner, even the best laid intentions some how flutter far off into the stratosphere. So how does one cage the elusive animal of time? Is it a slow mastery akin to ancient art or is it just a goddamn hard-nosed determination to beat it? Lengthy and often redundant amounts of thought have gone into this quandary, so what does one do upon the realization that, “Oh shit, there went my weekend?” Do they frenziedly and frantically fight to maintain a little bit of dignity in the face of adversity or do you shrug it off to bad luck, poor timing, and some other variables?

I have no fucking idea.  I do know ,however that we have all been on both a winning and a losing side of this particular skirmish. We have all managed and wrangled our allotted schedule with vigor and not allowed anything to stop our goal, other times we are standing beneath a leviathan surely to be crushed.  I guess my only conclusion hope for the best and plan for the worst. Do not be too unnecessarily hard on yourself when calamity interferes, but also do not await such calamity’s interference to get things accomplished.

Alas,  dear reader I have used this article and you as a distraction long enough and must go forth and accomplish as opposed to squandering away more motherfucking time. So stop using me as a distraction and go out and achieve as well.

 

 

Cody Jemes  is the mastermind and head complainer behind the Bored Shenanigans Articulations. Has his writing style got you all hot and bothered and you crave more? Check out his articles on the Dallas Mavericks at  Texas Fandom, watch him abuse poetry on his blog or if  you are tired of reading? Listen to the podcast he cohosts.