Cody’s Most Embarrassing Moment

A bet is a bet. For those of you who haven’t listened to Episode 110 of the Bored Shenanigans Podcast(Available via iTunes, Stitcher and this very website), a wager was made on the last episode. The details are in the episode but I, Cody Jemes lost. In doing so, had to publish an article retelling my most embarrassing moment. It is hard to imagine how such could exist.In co-hosting an online talk show for almost three years, I have revealed many shameful truths that long time listeners are too bashful to recall. I have retold many a tale of my face palming failings and moments of unfiltered stupidity. Those are mere child’s play to what I have for you here. Without further ado, Bored Shenanigans presents Cody’s Most Embarrassing Moment.

Let me take you back to a simpler time. A time before smart phones and reliable wifi signals. A time before tablets and net books. A time when one was forced to download their desired media onto a hard drive if they wanted to take it with them. A time when bulky laptops occupied college students back packs and their battery life was paltry at best. Now in these bygone days of yore, I was a full time overnight employee and a full time college student. I drifted in and out of poor decisions with great regularity, but truly on this day I would out do myself.

The campus I went to opened at seven AM around the time I was finishing my overnight shift. I would often arrive right as the doors opened and the halls were often quite vacant. On this particular day, I felt a need to release some tension before my classes and I secured a safe spot in the men’s room. After some quick reconnaissance work I realized that I was truly alone. I was a man alone with just his lust and downloaded library of erotic entertainment. What could possibly go wrong?  I set up my station, selected my finest adult video, plugged in my headphones and began to enjoy myself. As things escalated and intensified I proceeded with the normal course of action. My fatal flaw was the volume of the video overpowered the volume of my surroundings.

Whilst I was engaged with myself I didn’t hear a knock on the door of the cleaning woman. I certainly didn’t hear her ask if the bathroom was empty. More importantly than that, I was so overcome with my initial desire, I neglected to close the stall door. All these thing culminated in a quick and sorrowful turn of events. As I looked up I saw this poor woman, having just discovered me mid coitus with myself. She exclaimed “Sorry” as I violently shuffled to hide my shame. My laptop crashed to the ground, my headphones pulled out to reveal the sounds of hardcore pornography, I struggled to gather my belongings and my dignity in a losing effort while I vacated that bathroom.

After the woeful event I went and found a quiet corner to hid in my humiliation and in a futile attempt to collect myself. The cornucopia of poor judgments overflowed onto me with unrelenting ferocity. I was a moron. I tried as hard as I could to allow time to pass with some semblance of normalcy. I assumed my foolish behavior would be forgotten as there were only two witnesses.I thought things would be forgotten. Not so much.

I attended that college for two more years and would sporadically see the poor custodian who caught me in the act. I tried with all my might to avoid eye contact with her, but when her eyes found mine she would shake her head with disgust. There is no escape from chagrin so loathsome. To that woman, I am that harrowing tale of what to fear when walking into a men’s bathroom. In her eyes I am perpetually that slumped over pervert who was jacking it for all I was worth in the public restroom.

 

 

Cody Jemes is the co-host of the Bored Shenanigans podcast listen to more of his botches on iTunes and Stitcher. Read his not so self deprecating articles here. This deviant also writes poetry, see that here  or download his debauchery filled e-book hereBe sure heckle him on social media via Twitter or Facebook.

 

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Stalling For Time 01

Wait for it……………………
That’s right we have big plans for episode 100 but it is going to take us a few more weeks than we thought it would to finish so….. in an effort to hold off we created a new series, a brand new podcasting series, with a brand new numbering system that starts at 1. So hear us stall for time right in front of your eyes and don’t rustle or Cody will know what you are up to from anywhere in the world. Then Big Band Rappers will find you.

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While You Wait for Some Bored Shenanigans…

Stall For Time Episode 001: Fuck This Shit

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 98

Have you ever felt a tingling sensation in the back of your head when seeing a funny video scored with the most classic of comedy sound tracks, the Benny Hill music. That’s because it has a Dark Secret and it is reveal to you this week. Also are you as tired of crappy super hero movie reboots as we are? Do you wish there was just more Suckerpunch? Are you like Cody and confessed at your love of movies with the devil when you don’t believe in him?

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 98: Zucker’s Revenge!

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 93

Not only is this a Vault Shenanigans originally recorded in December of 2014 but Cody is the one the edited it. So you would think that he would be the one to do the episode description. But no it is me and I have not yet had a chance to hear it so I will make wild speculations about what happens in it.

Cody will get stuck on a sentence and it will make negative amounts of sense. We will find common ground between two apposing points. A recent headline makes us angry. The words “potted plants” will be used more than we ever imagined. We will find a striking similarity between a political leader and a glass of iced tea. A primordial evil will be called forth from outer darkness to claim the blood of the living by remnants of a once great forgotten ancient kingdom and we will have to be recalled to an orbital platform to protect mankind from that which it knows not.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 93: I dont know what this is…

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 90

Simon says put your hands together for another week another podcast, Cody is trapped in the closet and Brewer is sprawled out and relaxed. Plus what happens when the power goes out? Will your the podcast continue on? Tune in to find out.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 90: the ghey 

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 78

Welcome one, welcome all, welcome this is the Greatest Show on Earth. Cecil Demille be damned, we don’t need technicolor, Betty Hudson, Charlton Heston or elephants to deliver greatness. I’d offer little previews of what is discussed, but that is unfair to you. This is the most exceptional, most fantastic and by far the sexiest episode of Bored Shenanigans ever.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.    

Welcome to Episode 78: The Greatest Show on Earth: PART 1

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 77

On Saint Patrick’s one of our host trips the other loses his arms. Brent tells us his new nickname. Also, there are chicks, big hoes, and a confusing term.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 77: Need a hand?

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 57

The BS Crew talks about shitty movies and some that need more cunts in them. Brewer gives you the who’s who about Doctor Who. More on sex Jesus watch 2014. A watch falls from the Apple tree and no one care. Ken Ham is back to build something that even believers should question if it is what god wants. Octothorpe Breakfast Regrets.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.    

Welcome to Episode 57: Shit & Cunt

Now, where do I put my sausage…

 

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 54

I don’t care if it vibrates or lubes
I want a blow up Jesus
sitting the desktop of my computer
It should come in colors from pink and pleasant
to glowing in the dark and iridescent
Travel sizes too so you can take it with you travel far
Get yourself a fuckable deity with all the features often needed
Browsing for the sexual Christ isn’t too scary
We can’t even find a sex doll of Virgin Mary
So maybe none of us will go to hell

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.    

Welcome to Episode 54: Sin City 2: You can’t fuck Jesus

Also, Brewer is the Greatest American Hero, Cody is not allowed to poop, and a gnaked girl is abducted by gnomes.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 49

We bring you the very best of Amsterdam from its companions to its bondage shops to its banana bars. Also German tradition and their fascination with weather preparation and remember when they start WWIII use the best weapon for fighting them: Spicy. But until then just do as the Majorious one would and drink with 15 year old girls.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.    

Welcome to Episode 49: The Rise and Fall of The Third Rest: Part 2

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 48

Rest-Full adventures in der Vaterland this week. Jarrett got back form Germany and to quote an email from him “besides random facts about Germany, I have an awesome weirdo story from my time there that sounds like it came out of a Tarantino movie. It’s ridiculous how crazy this story is. Like, really crazy”

So, Herr Kommandant grab yourself a dachshund and get stuck in a giant vagina and listen to the tails of royale with cheeses, pooping, driving fast in your people’s wagon, and all sorts of schadenfreude.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 48: The Rise and Fall of The Third Rest: Part 1

5 Songs That Matter Most

Music matters to everyone. We all have those songs that take us back to our youth or to a specific place in our lives. A majestic art that can make us feel everything so deeply and on an almost subatomic level. That being said, I bring to you not only my five favorite pieces of music, but those that mean the most to me. So ready yourselves to disagree as Rank This! Presents Cody’s 5 Songs that Matter most.

5-Fuck Authority– Pennywise
This is a nostalgia choice for me. This is off of their Land of the Free? album and was my first exposure to anything called punk rock. This was my gateway drug into the world of three cords and do it yourself ethos that inhabit a large majority of my musical choice. Before this track, it never occurred to me that you could say this kind of stuff in a song. It opened my eyes to what self expression means and that the rules are merely what you make of them. I love this song as much now as the first time I heard it. A rebellious song that puts it all on front street and challenges the listener to make a change for the better. All in all a fantastic track.

4-God’s Love-Bad Religion 
The most recent choice on the list, this is a song I found a few years ago. This is a song that struck me at a time when I was exploring my own spirituality. God’s Love does a fantastic job of satirically yet insightfully examining one’s faith, especially in the realm of Christianity. I know this will never make a top ten list for Bad Religion songs, but being a big fan of theirs, this song just does it for me.

3-Where Eagles Dare– The Misfits
Let me be clear so there is no confusion, The Misfits are the greatest band of all time. They are far and away my favorite musical choice and cannot stop listening to them and enjoying their work. That being out of the way, Where Eagles Dare is my chosen song of their catalog. This was certainly the hardest pick for me, as I deeply enjoy so much of their music. The chorus of this song makes it, balancing the right amount of fuck you attitude with power to back it up. This song is a perfect manifestation of the horror imagery The Misfits built their legacy upon. A superior song from a phenomenal band.

2-All Apologies-Nirvana
This song is so good it almost physically hurts. Nirvana was such a deeply talented band with some real gems in their albums ,but this is the one I have to choose. Another song I found as a confused loner kid it has managed to grow with me through the years. Covering a large gamete of emotion in a single track, you follow the journey and feel it with every note. This is a necessary song for all humanity, without it who knows where we would be?

1-Paint it Black-Rolling Stones
As far as I am concerned, this is the perfect song. I really have little affinity for the Rolling Stones, but there is some kind of sorcery in this piece. A masterwork of musical arts, this one just never gets old to me. Haunting and beautiful you find yourself at one with the universe when this song plays. It reverberates the frustration and fear of the universe in a few brief moments. A classic in every sense of the word, this my friends is music.

 

Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 44

As the title of the episode says we help crack the code of the evil that is Miracle Whip. Also, we wonder about our last episode; is it us that’s weird for Not getting offended easily? And we give you the straight dope on some movie we saw (Looper, The Dirties) and some podcast we now follow (Welcome to Night Vale, The Steve Austin Show)

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.

Welcome to Episode 44: Satan’s Miracle Whip

Also stay tuned after the credits for a little bit of trivia from Cody about Napoleon.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 43

We here at Bored Shenanigans feel that we have not been doing our part to in society. So, in this episode, we propose an idea that will raise the populace’s vocabulary and strengthen communication.

 

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.    

Welcome to Episode 43: Jesus’ Cunt

We also show you our literary boners, Brewer bests Cody at quoting Star Wars, Cody learns about many different types of spinning things, and CHAD shows us the proper use for Doritos.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 35

The return of two of your favorite BS segments, Rapid Fire Cast!™ and the BS Random Question Game Show©. Do you have an opinion on burial because we do. Also, do you have State Pride and what would you do if you had all the moneys?

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.     

Welcome to Episode 35: Death by Firing Squad 

Ranking Tarantino Flicks

To start off our new Rank This! series, we list something near and dear to all of us here at the BS Production House. Tune in Weekly for fun and exciting checklists of things we love and hate. If you have any suggestions, please let us know. Without further ado, Bored Shenanigans presents

Ranking Tarantino Flicks

8-Kill Bill Volume 2

Kill_bill_vol_two_ver

Coming in at number eight, is the second half of Tarantino’s love letter to the kung-fu film. Michael Madsen proves the undeniable highlight of this film. A good movie, but lacking in the masterful action that took place in the first film. Only someone like Tarantino could have a movie like Kill Bill Vol. 2 be this low on their best of list.

 7-Django Unchained

django

Barely squeaking out of the number six spot, the latest film to wow audiences and stir up controversy. Tarantino’s stylized American West served as a back drop for this revenge epic. Recruiting a slew of highly skilled actors, this film shines as one of his best pieces and proves that Mr. Tarantino still has the Midas touch.   

6-Jackie Brown

jackie brown

“Shut your raggedy-ass up, and sit the fuck down!”

This is the most under appreciated movie that resides in the Tarantino filmography. Following the hugely successful Pulp Fiction, this one some how fell through the cracks. It was a critical favorite and earned Pam Grier some much deserved recognition, but this is usually the film even most Tarantino fans have missed. A very well written and well acted piece, if you haven’t seen it, you are missing something special. 

5-Kill Bill Volume 1

Kill-Bill-Vol--1-uma-thurman-263921_888_1400

This is an action movie. This is the way they are done and this is how martial arts movies exists in the 21st Century. Ultra stylized, extra violent and truly compelling, this was the vehicle that reminds us all of how bad ass a yellow track suit is.

4-Death Proof

death proof

It is damn shame that the Grindhouse experiment didn’t go over better than it did.  If you like 70s slasher flicks and muscle cars, this is the right movie for you. One of the coolest movies rides in recent memory with a great mix of dialogue and action. This picture shows the evil genius that resides behind the camera. Paired with Planet Terror and packed full of fake trailers, this was exploitation films on a huge budget. One of the most fun works in Mr. Tarantino’s catalog.

3-Reservoir Dogs

reservoirdogs

“You gonna bark all day, little doggy? Or you gonna bite?”

This is the movie that made Tarantino a household name. What a powerhouse of a debut film. The characters in this film are so well drawn out, they seem like you have known them for years. If there were any more bad-asses on your screen, the TV would kick your ass and take your wallet. This is the heist film by which all other heist films are judged by, yet you never even see the actual heist. Rarely does something this good come along, yet it only makes number three here.

2-Inglorious Basterds

ingloriousbasterds

Tarantino doesn’t care what spell check has to say. He misspelled it on purpose and never apologized for it. This World War Two ride throws history to the curb. Over the top assassinations of Hitler, hilariously bad Italian accents, angry Holocaust survivor,  and legendary cut throat soldiers. Any number of these things would make a film phenomenal. This one combines them all along with one of the greatest villains ever put to film. Christopher Waltz transcended so deeply  into character, you forget you are watching an actor. In all sincerity, this is one of Hollywood’s finest displays of cinema.

1-Pulp Fiction

pulpfiction

This is the most quoted movie around the BS water cooler. We seriously wore a DVD out by playing it so many times. Yes it revived careers, yes it made us all want a “Bad Motherfucker” wallet. It made us all laugh when Marvin got shot in the face, and we all have our coffee with lots of cream lots of sugar. Preserved by the National Film Registry for artistic and cultural significance, this will forever go down as a classic. This movie will be torn apart and analyzed forever by film students and film critics. This is excellence reincarnated into pure awesome. Making ‘getting medieval’ a thing and it will inspire throngs of storytellers for eons.  


Cody Jemes is the Literary Engineer behind both the Rank This and the Articulations sections @ Bored Shenanigans. Stay tuned weekly for new articles, new pod-casts and all kinds of free funny. Fill your need for sports at Texas Fandom or fill that poetry void at Abuse Through Poetry.

Bored Shenanigans-To Go 001

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Welcome everyone to Bored Shenanigans… To Go. On this initial episode of the To Go series Cody is joined by Brent, In which he and Brent tell embarrassing tales about themselves, wax philosophical about their friendship, talk about pod casts better than this one and briefly gloss over school emergency policy. Also enjoy Cody’s first try at editing and see if you can handle a BS episode without Brewer. So beyond all that, this episode is also somewhat of a ‘oh shit!’ as the plague has infected the BS studios, delaying our normal release schedule. As we recover, we hope you enjoy this.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 20

Things did not go as I planed so… I am very tired right now. Here’s your description. Cody sick. Not here; Jarrett and Ernie are. We talk… that’s what a podcast is… Ernie says some controversial shit. Jarrett is Majorious. Brewer thinks anonymous Snowmen are funny.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.     

Welcome to Episode 20: Bed Rest

…and if it sounds like we are in a bathroom at times I assure we are not.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 12

I knew this podcast was trouble when it walked in the door. It had that look in it’s eye like it wanted to be a home wrecker. As it approached me, I could sense that it wanted to eat my soup. When it spoke, I knew that the shenanigans it had in mind could surely get us both killed. The stench of tobacco and cheap bourbon hung heavy in the room, as the podcast continued to cast, I could see the rabbit it was chasing would end in nothing more than high stakes deal for the heroes involved. It would have grimacing detectives dropping in on beaver-cleaverville and letting their thought bubbles hanging darkly. Darkly like the crime that haunts our once fair city. The cast had definite proof that the Bored Shenanigans rouges gallery could all play cliche parts in a noir film. Proof, I will believe proof when I see it. Join us now for Cast Me Deadly

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Stay loaded for Bored Shenanigans.     

Watch your Back in Episode 12: Cast Me Deadly

Also November 9 is Carl Sagan Day so do something sciencey!
There is Hate Mail again so see the show notes.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 08

This episode is restless in more ways than one. No and the rest first off and Brewer and Cody tell the tail of when Cody did not sleep for over 116 hours. Also, Brewer finally succumbs to his own self imposed power and goes nuts at the beginning. We spend time talking directly to some members of our audience culminating in the fantasy that our listeners reference the B.S. Crew in the sexual fantasies.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.     

Welcome to Episode 8: sleepy sleepy no sleep

Also, sorry that this is later on Monday than it normally is there were things crashing last night. So I had to redo a large part of the work on getting the episode cut together and did not have the heart to do it at 4 am. Plus quit your bitching it is still Monday I haven’t lied to you yet. I don’t count this as the first late release.

One more thing I don’t know if you noticed but there is a new tab titled Show Notes. That is where things like links to articles or videos, that we end up talking about in that episode, will go if they aren’t just general Links of Interest.

Bored Shenanigans Podcast – Episode 03

In which our heroes hope for hate mail, eat Kevin Smith’s soup, Cody has a hard time in bathroom, and Brewer gets angry about a lot of unimportant things.

We podcast by the seat of our pants. No prep time, no for thought, just us following the rabbit.

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Welcome to Bored Shenanigans.       

Welcome to Episode 3: Without a net.