A bet is a bet. For those of you who haven’t listened to Episode 110 of the Bored Shenanigans Podcast(Available via iTunes, Stitcher and this very website), a wager was made on the last episode. The details are in the episode but I, Cody Jemes lost. In doing so, had to publish an article retelling my most embarrassing moment. It is hard to imagine how such could exist.In co-hosting an online talk show for almost three years, I have revealed many shameful truths that long time listeners are too bashful to recall. I have retold many a tale of my face palming failings and moments of unfiltered stupidity. Those are mere child’s play to what I have for you here. Without further ado, Bored Shenanigans presents Cody’s Most Embarrassing Moment.
Let me take you back to a simpler time. A time before smart phones and reliable wifi signals. A time before tablets and net books. A time when one was forced to download their desired media onto a hard drive if they wanted to take it with them. A time when bulky laptops occupied college students back packs and their battery life was paltry at best. Now in these bygone days of yore, I was a full time overnight employee and a full time college student. I drifted in and out of poor decisions with great regularity, but truly on this day I would out do myself.
The campus I went to opened at seven AM around the time I was finishing my overnight shift. I would often arrive right as the doors opened and the halls were often quite vacant. On this particular day, I felt a need to release some tension before my classes and I secured a safe spot in the men’s room. After some quick reconnaissance work I realized that I was truly alone. I was a man alone with just his lust and downloaded library of erotic entertainment. What could possibly go wrong? I set up my station, selected my finest adult video, plugged in my headphones and began to enjoy myself. As things escalated and intensified I proceeded with the normal course of action. My fatal flaw was the volume of the video overpowered the volume of my surroundings.
Whilst I was engaged with myself I didn’t hear a knock on the door of the cleaning woman. I certainly didn’t hear her ask if the bathroom was empty. More importantly than that, I was so overcome with my initial desire, I neglected to close the stall door. All these thing culminated in a quick and sorrowful turn of events. As I looked up I saw this poor woman, having just discovered me mid coitus with myself. She exclaimed “Sorry” as I violently shuffled to hide my shame. My laptop crashed to the ground, my headphones pulled out to reveal the sounds of hardcore pornography, I struggled to gather my belongings and my dignity in a losing effort while I vacated that bathroom.
After the woeful event I went and found a quiet corner to hid in my humiliation and in a futile attempt to collect myself. The cornucopia of poor judgments overflowed onto me with unrelenting ferocity. I was a moron. I tried as hard as I could to allow time to pass with some semblance of normalcy. I assumed my foolish behavior would be forgotten as there were only two witnesses.I thought things would be forgotten. Not so much.
I attended that college for two more years and would sporadically see the poor custodian who caught me in the act. I tried with all my might to avoid eye contact with her, but when her eyes found mine she would shake her head with disgust. There is no escape from chagrin so loathsome. To that woman, I am that harrowing tale of what to fear when walking into a men’s bathroom. In her eyes I am perpetually that slumped over pervert who was jacking it for all I was worth in the public restroom.
Cody Jemes is the co-host of the Bored Shenanigans podcast listen to more of his botches on iTunes and Stitcher. Read his not so self deprecating articles here. This deviant also writes poetry, see that here or download his debauchery filled e-book here. Be sure heckle him on social media via Twitter or Facebook.